In The Jungle
by I-heart-tofu
Summary: Fifth chapter to Mystery Meat. Quite funny, might I add. Harry meets Malfoy and Hermione at the movies, and stuff like that. ENJOY FOOLS.


In the Jungle

In the common room

Ron: walks in sets books down where Harry and Hermione are sitting Hey! Did you guys hear what the school is putting in!

Harry: Well, actually Ron-

Ron: rolls eyes Wow Harry. That was so close to being interesting.

Harry: gives Ron the Stink Eye

Hermione: kissing a framed picture of Malfoy

Ron: Anyway, Dumledore is putting in a moving theater!

Harry: Freakin sweet! Hermione, did you hear that!

Hermione: still making out with pic

Harry: Her-Her-Hermione, you're going to have to let go some- tries to rip pic of hands -time!

Hermione: Never! runs off

Harry: starts crying Why doesn't she love me! sob

Ron: Probably because you're not as devilishly good looking as Malfoy.

Harry: sarcastic Yeah. Thanks Ron.

Ron: Sure. Anytime pal. pats Harry on back walks off

Harry: thinks (I've got it!) Ron! Get your butt back here!

Ron: turns around do-rag wrapped on his head acting like a thug 'Sup dawg?

Harry: I've got a plan to make Hermione love me! Muhaahahaha! lightning flashes in background

Ron: Is it anything like your other plans?

Harry: frustrated stutters N-n-noooo

Ron: Sure they're not, Ugly.

Harry: Did it just get a little chilly in here?

THE NEXT DAY

OUTSIDE

Harry: with Ron in some bushes giggling like school girls about Harry's plan sees Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle walking there way Hey Malfoy! Come 'ere!

Malfoy: walks over What'd you want, Ugly.

Harry: God! Will you people stop calling me that! Anyway… wanna see something cool?

Malfoy: Is it violent?

Harry: looks at Ron and chuckles lightly Sure… chuckle chuckle

Malfoy: Okay, let's have a look then.

Harry: takes out a gun- a bubble gun that is

Malfoy: eyes widen in fear Crabbe and Goyle run for dear life

Harry: starts shooting Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Malfoy: screaming while running in circles then trips on a stick

Harry: Malfoy lying on the ground on his back, Harry hovering over him with the bubble gun near is face Time to put your lights out. starts shooting

Malfoy: No! Stop! I'm bubblephobic!

Harry and Ron: evil laugh

5 SECONDS LATER

Ron: I'm bored.

Harry: Me too. walk off

Malfoy: rolling around with hands over his eyes I can't see! Help! Help! I don't wanna die like this!

LATER THAT DAY

IN THE GREAT HALL

Harry: enjoying himself with his legs dangling about like a little English schoolboy while licking the inside of an Oreo.

Malfoy: turns around, eyes are all puffy and red Hey Potter!

Harry: doesn't turn around

Malfoy: eating a potato You know that's not really cream inside those Oreo biscuits like they say. Father told me that it's really porpoise lard.

Harry: legs stop moving looks like he's going to throw up

Malfoy: I just thought you should know… turns back around Oh, yes, by the way… turns back towards Harry I'm taking to Hermione to her favorite band's concert next week. To bad you can't come. Ha! Ha! Ha! turns back around and grabs 3 more potatoes and puts them on his plate

Harry: look of hatred

TWO DAYS LATER

GYRIFFENDOR COMMON ROOM

MALFOY'S COMSUMTION OF POTATOES: 18

Harry: talking with Ron Okay, so Plan A backfired. We need an even better plan where I can't lose! slams fist down on table owww… shakes hand around Or find out that my favorite cookie is made of dolphin fat.

Ron: Yeah. That's kinda nasty. Oh yeah well, since they just finished the movie theater I was gonna go are you coming? We might think off something on the way.

AT THE MOVIES

AT THE CONCESSION STAND

Harry: Yeah. I'll take a large corn, a box a Whoppers, Milk Duds, Jawbreakers, and a box of Muddy Bears.

Guy: Okay, that'll be 112 Galleons.

Harry: Oh it's all worth it. evil laugh lightning flashes in background

Guy: Ummm…could you move you're forming a line.

Harry: Yes. Right. pays and takes snacks

Ron: tries to take a Whopper

Harry: Ho, ho, ho, slow down there John Wayne. These are part of the master plan.

Ron: puts back Oh, sorry, Ugly.

IN THE THEATER

Harry and Ron are sitting on the balcony in the front row. Under them they can see Malfoy and Hermione making out

Harry: staring at Malfoy Oh you just wait. lights dim for movie

5 MINUTES LATER

a Whopper hits Malfoy's head

Malfoy: doesn't notice

Harry: We're going to need bigger ammo.

Ron: Right. takes a piece of popcorn and flicks it at Malfoy but misses Oh drat!

Harry: flicks a Milk Dud hits Malfoy's head Score!

Malfoy: looks behind him turns back to Hermione

Harry: Oh poo. turns toward Ron

Ron: stuffing his face with Muddy Bears

Harry: Ron!

Ron: swallows Sorry.

Harry: picks up jawbreaker This is our last resort. Here we go. chucks it at Malfoy hits him in the head and Malfoy falls to the ground unconscience

Ron: I think we better leave….

Harry: Yeah…. gets up slowly and down aisle, then runs for dear life down the stairs and out the door

GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM

Harry: I think I need to be alone for a while. starts crying If Hermione comes by looking for me, tell her I'll be in the loos. starts walking to the loos

Ron: reading a magazine, has feet on a table Will do, Buddy.

IN THE LOOS

Harry: accidentally walks into the girls' room instead of the guys' room I don't know what'll do now….Lock myself into the girls' lavatories and refuse to come out until she confesses true love? realizes that might just work

LATER THAT DAY

Hermione: walks into common room. Sees Ron Where's Harry?

Ron: still sitting there continues to read Yep, he said something about meeting him in the toilets.

Hermione: goes to the lavatories thinking Which one would I meet him in? I should try the gents' room first since Harry is a man. And everyone knows that all men are idiots. pushes open the door to the men's room sees Neville doing "other things" leaves immediately Okay, that's something I hope I'll never see again! pushes open girls' room door sees Harry sitting on the floor against the window

Harry: Hermione, I've made a decision….

Hermione: What is it Harry?

Harry: I won't leave this room until you confess your true love towards me.

Hermione: Harry, that's completely rid-

Harry: Ah-Ah-Ah…

Hermione: I'm getting Malfoy. turns and leaves

IN THE SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM

Hermione: running in Malfoy! Harry's gone completely mad!

Malfoy: sitting on the couch in front of him is Moaning Mertile trapped inside of a pickle jar stands up Wait 'til Father hears about this one! But, it looks like I'll have to deal with Potter myself!

5 MINUTES LATER

IN THE GIRLS' LAVATORES

Ron, Fred, and George walk in to bathrooms

Fred: Okay Harry, we're here to cheer you up! Hit it boys!

Harry: starts drumming to the beat of _In the Jungle (the Mighty Jungle)_ on the toilet seat

Ron: doing the "owembaway, owembaway" thing

George: doing the high pitched "oeeeeee"

Fred: singing lead vocals

this goes on for about 2 ½ minutes Fred an George go over and sit on the sinks while singing and a minutes later the sink Fred is sitting on breaks off the wall

Harry: It's in my mouth! Nasty! Nasty! then looks over at the window

Outside the window is Malfoy with eight multi colored balloons tied around his waist, holding a tranquilizer gun

Harry: slow motion Nooooo! normal again

Malfoy: It's for your own good! shoots Harry with the horse tranquilizer

Pansy Parkinson comes in sees what all the commotion is about and jumps out of window and into Malfoy's arms they sink a level and Malfoy drops her and let's her fall goes back up the bathroom level

Harry: lying on the floor in his own swamp of drool Come closer…

Fred: leans in

Harry: Closer…

Fred: leans in

Harry: Closer…

Fred: Sorry Harry, I'm...uh…cough cough not like that. Sorry

Harry: reaches hand out Bring me Aunt Jemima….

Fred: passes Harry a bottle of syrup Here ya go, Ugly.

Harry: takes bottle and hugs it, then brings the bottom side of the bottle near his mouth licks side all the way to the top Jemima…. eyes close

Ron: I have to pee.

3 DAYS LATER

HOSPITAL WING

MALFOY'S COMSUMPTION OF POTATOES: 63

Harry: wakes up Ron sitting next to his bed What happened?

Ron: You were hit with a tranquilizer that could take down a full-grown elephant.

Harry: Where's Hermione?

Ron: She's at a concert with Malfoy right now

Harry: eyes quench What?

HERMIONE AND MALFOY AT A

GUNS 'N' ROSES CONCERT

Hermione: sitting on Malfoy's shoulders

Malfoy: My turn!

Hermione: looks down in confusion

THEN

Malfoy on Hermione's shoulders

Malfoy: Hey! I think I can see my house from here!

Hermione: stumbling around trying to keep her balance trips on a stick and Malfoy falls on her leg I think you broke my leg!

Malfoy: looks around fast Hey! Look I think I see a squirrel!

Note

Crystal: Wow. T'is been a while. We just rediscovered this on the Arah's computer. xD ha ha. So yeah. We'll be writing more sometime...soon. Possibly. MAYBE. I don't know. -shifty glance-


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